sansseraph | IC Inbox

[ It takes Zaveid a long time to work up the will to message her. It hurts, and the idea of it is a struggle, and she shouldn't have to be here to deal with it. She should have come here when it was good, when they were all happy and messing around... Not to this.

No one deserves this. ]

Jeez. You could've said 'hey', you know.

Zaveid!

[Lailah sounds so relieved to hear his voice right now. She has to fight back tears from the sheer force of the emotion. At least one of them has managed to escape, and the fire seraph can only hope the same can be said for Dezel.]

Are you alright? Is Dezel with you? I heard from Allen that he's here.

[Somehow.]

Yeah, we're together. I guess you know what's going on, right?

[ While he hadn't responded to it he had seen her post on the network. She knows about Sorey, and there's no point in trying to deny it. All he can do is gather his strength and be the one that stands tall, for the both of them. ]

We're nowhere near it, so stop worrying.

I've been informed, and I've been keeping an eye on other incoming messages related to it.

["Stop worrying," he says, when four people she cherishes are off on some planet being forced to purify two of their number.]

You know I won't until all of you are back safely.

[Lailah sighs softly, and she's glad that Zaveid can't see her looking sick. It's going to be a hard few days in a myriad of ways.]

Zaveid...are you in a position to tell me what happened?

[Her words are gentle and kind, but she won't risk the lives of the wind seraphim if they need to be on the move rather than answer that question.]

I guess you can't really go exploring yet. I remember.

[ He makes a soft noise, frustrated and a little on edge. He's still coming down from all that happened, and there's not much he can do to make it better. He's on the edge of falling apart and only keeping it together because he's talking to Lailah. ]

I can tell you. Mikleo contacted us and told us that Sorey had been corrupted and we all agreed to go and find him to see if we could bring him back. None of it worked and the malevolence went out of our control - there was nothing we could do. Mikleo...

[ Zaveid swallows, closing his eyes tight. ]

He took in as much of the malevolence as he could. He's a dragon, and I'm going to kill him. When we were leaving, Sorey tried to armatise with me and Dezel had to drag us out. That's pretty much it.

[Lailah's quiet as she listens to Zaveid tell it. When he says that Sorey tried to armatize with him, she takes a sharp breath. Her expression is one of abject horror and terror.

She should've cut the pact. Zaveid is in more danger now than ever.]

I'm sorry I wasn't here before now, or at least when you went to confront him.

[The fire seraph can't help feeling that she's in part to blame. She's failed as a Prime Lord to give Sorey the necessary tools needed to fight his personal malevolence, and for that she has to apologize to him.]

Zaveid, when you face them again, please be careful. We can't lose you, too. And...for what it's worth, I think Mikleo would prefer it if one of us did it.

[ It's not easy, being the one to bring the bad news. The problem is that Zaveid is used to it; he's accepted this as his fate now. He's the one that's lived for such a long time, and... He's seen the best and worst. He can't handle it, not really, but he has to. It's his promise. ]

It's not your fault, Lailah. None of us came here 'cause we wanted to.

[ Everything hurts, and he closes his eyes. It hurts to breathe, to know they're out there, to feel Sorey... But... ]

I know. It's not the first time I've had to face this. It's time for Mikleo's salvation. I'm gonna save him too.

[ Just like he'd saved Eizen. ]

I know you will, and I'm glad it's you.

[The idea of a stranger or someone from outside of their group being the one to kill Mikleo seems wrong. At least Zaveid is in a position to be able to do that.]

I'm sorry that this is the second time you have to do this. I'll be sure to sever the Shepherd's pact before you face them again. That way, you'll be safe from Sorey trying to use the armatus.

[Until then, they can use it to monitor them and track them down for as long as they're able.]

[ 'I'm glad it's you'. Because he's the murderer, right? Lailah doesn't say it, but that's what it is. He's the one that kills hellions and there's a hellion that needs to die - so it has to be him. That's fine, Zaveid thinks. He's done it before. He can learn to be numb to it. He can shut himself off. No one else needs to think about it. ]

I'll do my best to make sure no one else has to get involved. Don't you worry about me.

[ He does pause, though. Dezel already broke his pact and Zaveid is clinging on, feeling the malevolence and the darkness each time he breathes. If it's gone will he be able to survive going up to the two of them?

It doesn't matter if he dies, he supposes. As long as he can save them. That's his resolve. ]

I'll make sure to let you know. Try not to think about it.

[Lailah hasn't felt this helpless and useless since Michael. She wants to be there to help Zaveid or even to just take the burden off of his shoulders. The fire seraph knows that it's not fair, in any sense, that he has to do this to Mikleo after Eizen.]

Come back safe and I'll stop.

[Maybe. Then, she confesses:]

I want to help you more. Sorey and Mikleo are my responsibility, and it...doesn't feel right to ask this of you.

["Please, forgive my weakness," goes unsaid.]

[ Zaveid, on the other hand, is used to this feeling. He knows what it means to stand before a friend incapable of doing anything, knows what it means to struggle and fight, knows what it means to feel tense and alone, and he's come to terms with it. It's happening again, like an unfolding picture, and he's helpless to stop it. ]

As if I was gonna do anything else.

[ She's not hurting the situation, not really, but Zaveid feels something tight in his throat. ]

Hey. They became my responsibility when I entered the Pact. They're not just your kids to take care of, alright? It can't all go on your shoulders, so stop it.

[Your estranged son is reporting in.

No, but seriously, he doesn't know what to say. He's struggling-- evident enough from the long, awkward silence on his end of the line, filled only with the occasional static and noises of the ship.]

... Lailah.

[How many times have Sorey and Mikleo told her the same thing? That she doesn't have the handle things all on her own? A shame, really, that most of her problems come from things she can't talk about because of her oath.]

I'm their Prime Lord. I must take responsibility regardless. And...Camlann.... [Michael is her fault, but Lailah can't say anything about it.] You can't bear everything on your shoulders, either, Zaveid. We've both had to, you most of all, but this time we should both share it.

Dezel.

[Lailah sounds extremely relieved to hear from him. Though, at the same time, she's not sure how it's possible that he's here. Perhaps there's something to death being impermanent in this place. Or maybe the Atroma truly don't care about letting the dead rest.

Does that mean Rose could...?]

I'm glad you're alright. [At least, in the sense that he isn't a dragon.]

Your responsibility is to be their guide and their support. The Shepherd's are human, Lailah. They're gonna make mistakes, just like anyone else. Forgetting that is the worst thing we could do.

[ It's the same for Seraphim, too. Mistakes happen. He thinks of Eizen, of Dezel, of himself, thinks back upon thousands of years of living and history, thinks of his own failures and his own mistakes... The problem is that he wasn't a Shepherd. He was never burdened with such heavy responsibility. He could make his mistakes and not suffer for them - no more than anyone else, at least.

They just have to keep moving forward. He's so tired, so desperately tired, and the weight of the pact and the knowledge that Sorey is searching for him is almost too much, but he has to stay strong. The others are relying on him, now - they know what he's going to do.

He's going to kill Mikleo. He's going to bear the mantle of death once more. It's what he's made for. ]

I'm fine, Lailah, okay? Trust me, Ol' Zaveid has handled worse than this.

Whether this is a mistake Sorey can recover from, only time can tell.

[The loss of Mikleo will undoubtedly hit Sorey the hardest, especially the events that caused it in the first place. They have to do their best to make sure the grief and guilt doesn't consume him.]

I do trust you. [Lailah pauses and shakes her head.] Stay safe and keep me in the loop. I'll try to make it on that planet as soon as I can.

[ A part of Zaveid wonders if losing Mikleo will trigger all of this over again, if Sorey will wake up and learn that his best friend is dead and will be consumed by his own darkness once more... But with Lailah here maybe they'll be able to stop it. Maybe having her here would be the safety and the comfort they hadn't been able to give him before.

They had failed, but maybe Lailah would heal what they couldn't. ]

Sure. Let me know when you're free to move.

[Lailah will certainly do her best. She owes it to all of them.]

I will. I'll see you then.

Better than you and Zaveid, I imagine. [He doesn't comment on why, exactly, he is alive. He doesn't know. He doesn't want to get into what he thinks about it; Sorey makes up a large part of that, and Sorey is...]

-- You need to break the pact. The residual malevolence in the Fleet is cake compared to what's on that planet.

I might be better off than Zaveid at this point. Sorey isn't aware of my presence.

[Lailah pauses and sighs softly.]

I'm aware. Sorey's malevolence has been coming through our connection, and, more than that, he still retains all the powers of a Shepherd. On the other hand, we also need it if we wish to pinpoint his exact location, not to mention monitor his malevolence. Either way, the pact will be severed.

[Her tone is firm and resolved in that last statement. Lailah won't let anything stop her from doing that.]

Yet. He isn't stupid, even as a hellion. If you get close to that planet? He'll know.

[He hesitates. There's more he wants to say, but this isn't the time. Then again, there's a lot he wants to say about the current situation, too.]

... If you want to blame me, you can. It's the most logical explanation after all.

[Lailah's pinching the bridge of her nose and she's only doing so because this isn't a video chat. Her voice, though, is more controlled. She's not going to take any of her frustration or pain out on Dezel. He doesn't need that right now, especially when he's hurting already.]

Dezel, if you are to blame, then I am of equal blame. If Sorey has fallen because of my absence, then it's because I failed to teach him how to best deal with his personal malevolence. Not only that, but I failed to teach my Sub Lords the same lesson so that they may help him.

[It'll never be just his fault. Both Zaveid and Dezel need to learn this.]

So, I don't see how it's logical to put the blame all on you.

[Everyone keeps telling him not to blame himself, and he isn't sure if it's because they earnestly believe it, or because they don't want him to fall to malevolence. He doesn't think he could let himself become a dragon after seeing what he's seen, but he also... feels so tired, sometimes. The past five years have been nothing but revenge. Revenge. Revenge. And when he finally got some rest, he...

He shakes his head to clear his thoughts.]

You weren't here. You couldn't have taught us anything... and even on our world, I'm not sure I would've given you the opportunity.

[He thinks briefly of Cardinal Forton. Some hellions can't be purified. Some people refuse to be saved.]

... Lailah. Is the Shepherd too far gone?

You had your own demons to fight, and I'm sure that you still do. However, I still stand by you. I want you to know that I never regretted that you were my Sub Lord.

[Lailah falls silent for a moment. She closes her eyes, sensing, probing their connection gently.]

...No. We still have time to save Sorey. [The fire seraph pauses.] Should it come to it, if he can't be purified by the time we reach him, I will not ask you or anyone to do the alternative. That's something I should do myself.

[It's not a decision she makes lightly. However, she's had these few days to think and consider her options, as well as a couple contingency plans.]

[Dezel makes a soft noise of surprise. Was he thinking that? Yes. Did she somehow figure it out? Yes. How is she so good at answering the unspoken questions? It's ridiculous, then, that she won't answer the more direct ones, but he doesn't blame her. He doesn't blame her for any of it.]

... Thanks. [He's never been more grateful to have people who won't bullshit him. Not at a time like this.

But then it's back to business.]

Is that the Prime Lord's duty? That seems... [cruel. But many things are, in this world.]

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