[For a second he thinks those flowers are one of her weird fortune-telling paper games again, but he can see the intricate design as he comes in closer and he leans back against the door, watching her work. It's nice; her fingers move without hesitation, creating folds and lines from curves and edges, and then she just tugs on a corner and it's suddenly something new.
When she's finished he speaks up.] A friend told me about a new sweet I think you might like. It's called mochi.
[When Lailah's done, she cups the finished lotus flower in her hands and looks up at Sorey. The fire seraph tilts her head in interest.]
Oh, really? I've never heard of that one before. I'd be interested in trying it, and maybe getting a recipe, too.
[She's genuinely excited by the idea of trying out this 'mochi.' However, they both know that's not what Sorey's here for. For now, though, she's content to make small talk until he's ready...or needs a gentle nudge.]
The friend who made it for me is a great girl. You'll probably love her.
[He bounces gently against the door before pushing off and coming over to where she's sitting on her bed.] I was wondering if I could- this might be a little silly since we're friends, [and instead of sitting beside her he kneels in front of her, properly] but could I say something first?
[He drums his fingers against his knees nervously. It feels weird to be kneeling in front of Lailah, and his heart is hammering but he feels, in his heart, that this is what he should've done the first time.]
...you told me when we first met the burdens of being the Shepherd. And you kept reminding me afterwards, too; you never let me forget, and you never let me forget myself.
When I came here, and I was without you for...a long time, [longer than he'd known her, even] and I forgot everything you said to me. Maybe it was inevitable, but I feel like I should have paid your wisdom the respect it was due, instead of relying on you to constantly retell it to me.
I mean, I know that's why a Shepherd has a Prime Lord, but as a person- as a human being, I think I should expect at least that much of myself. So...that's something I'd like to change.
[The fire seraph is silent as Sorey speaks his heart to her. When he's finished, she bows her head for a second.]
Then it's a change we can work on together. However, while I'm here, I have no intention of letting you lose sight of what's important. It's extremely difficult to handle alone, especially for someone with a kind heart like yours, but I'm sure that you're well aware of that by now.
[Her tone is kind and gentle as she says that last part. Lailah then holds out the finished flower to Sorey with a cheerful expression.]
Just as I make sure you don't lose yourself, you do the same for me, too. It's not as overt, but it's being part of the lives of people like you that make my job worth everything.
[Sorey is not without his fears and reservations, but those aren't going to go away overnight. More than not being afraid or unsure, he should acknowledge that he is. He should allow himself to be weak, open-faced and in front of others, no matter how terrifying it is. That's part of being a Shepherd, and it's something he's realized far too late: not always remaining pure and strong under his own power, but allowing himself to be vulnerable in front of not just his friends, but everyone.
Playing at being strong isn't strength. Playing at being strong is what led him to his Fall...what led to Mikleo's death. It had come from a place of wanting to protect, wanting to save, but as pure as his motivations had been they'd been twisted by his methods. Like Cardinal Forton...like Heldalf.
He's not above them. He's no different from either of them; he was just fortunate enough to be surrounded by people who love and support him. He was fortunate enough to have Allen here, with his own powers of purification, more powerful than Sorey's self-loathing and terror.
He...had Mikleo.
Sorey turns the lotus gently in his hands before nodding firmly.]
Okay. Then...please, Lailah. I would be honored if you would once again take me on as your Shepherd. And... [He looks up at her, exhausted, expression open and vulnerable but finally, after almost two weeks of despondency, there is buried deep beneath his grief a spark of hope for the future.] I'll do everything I can to be worthy of the trust you've shown me.
[Lailah smiles as she reaches out to touch his hand. The symbol of the Shepherd glows briefly on the back of his hand as she recites the pact. The seraph takes her hand away after and scoots off the bed so that she's standing next to Sorey, offering her hand to help him up.]
Before I go find Dezel, I'd like for you to do one thing for me.
[What she asks is going to be very hard for him, but it's also necessary.]
I trust you, Sorey, but you also need to learn to trust yourself again, too. As such, I'd like for you to call on my true name.
[Lailah has no doubt that there'll come a time when Sorey needs to armatize. In that case, he can't afford to hesitate calling on any of them. He must be able to rely on or trust at least one of them, and Lailah will be glad to take that job until he's ready for the others.]
Auuuugh. [Sorey takes her hand and climbs up to his feet, clutching the lotus gently to his chest.] I thought you might ask me to do that... [Lailah was always very impressed with his progress and eager to see if he could do all the neat Shepherd things. And it makes sense that she'd want to test this sort of thing first, before he attempted it with any others, but. Still.
His memory is foggy, but he remembers. He remembers Mikleo forcing armatization to save the others, he remembers it burning and twisting before they'd split apart.
He remembers reaching for Zaveid, he remembers the look on his face as he uttered the first word of his True Name. He'd been hungry when he'd done it; starving, desperate for company, for anything to fill that crumbling void inside of him, but looking back on it now just fills him with panic and dread. Nevermind Zaveid, just thinking about saying Lailah's name and perverting her with his weakness is terrifying.]
[Lailah's lack of fear is really helping to reassure him, and he knows she's right. When he'd thought about this he'd been careful, thorough; he couldn't possibly expect to retake the mantle of the Shepherd without accepting everything it encompassed. Individual pacts with Dezel and Zaveid aside, Sorey knew he would have to jump in feet-first with Lailah, to prove himself, and to prove he trusts her.
He doesn't think he'll stop hearing the echoes of her screams in his head, though. The way she'd sounded when he'd ripped her fire away from her, the way he wanted to pull her into himself and devour her whole. But that's not going to go away. Those memories aren't going to simply vanish.
It doesn't stop his fingers from quaking as he traces the paper petals of the flower in his hand, searching for his courage and coming up empty. And he can feel it now; the Shepherd's pact has made its way back home like a brand on his soul and he can see the wisps of malevolence around them. The Fleet really is painted with it.]
...I trust you. I trust you. [He does. He trusts Lailah with every stitch of his being. Lailah, unwavering in her support, a pillar upon which Sorey's sure the world itself could balance, it's so strong. Mikleo's absence is still a terrible wound, raw and still bleeding, but Sorey knows that at the very least, with Lailah, his feelings are safe.]
Fethmus Mioma, [Sorey whispers, closing his eyes as the rush of warmth and power tingles all the way down to his fingers, his toes. Where they would share the power and occupy the same body, Sorey falls back and gives every last bit of control to Lailah. Just- just for a moment. Just to reassure himself, to show that he can. That he won't try to take her over. It's as much a reassurance for her as it is for him; no, it's more for him than anything. He can't simply trust himself wholly yet, not when there's so much yet to prove.]
[Lailah won't forget the terrible pain Sorey put her through as a hellion, but she's had more than a few years to be able to find ways to disassociate a Shepherd from their hellionized self. It helps her cope, and to remind her that malevolence only exaggerates and exacerbates a person's true feelings. In so many cases, it's been the only way she's been able to go through with taking care of former, fallen Shepherds under her guidance.
The fire seraph has been in Atlas's shoes before, and will likely continue to hold up the sky for others. Its weight has fractured her at times, but she's learned from those fractures just how much she can handle on her own and how much she can safely share with others in her pact. For Sorey, Lailah knows that she needs to put some of his burden back onto her until he's ready to reclaim it.
She answers his call immediately, no hesitation whatsoever. The seraph merges with his body, but she feels him handing total control over to her. Only for one second does she allow it before stepping back so that they're equal in control. No matter what, this power isn't meant for complete control from one party. Not to Lailah, at least.]
Now, then. Let's take a stroll, shall we?
[It's been a human lifetime since Lailah has armatized with Sorey. She needs to get used to the feeling a little bit. More than that, he needs some more time with it to have a reassurance that it's okay. That he's okay.]
[Their fingers caress the petals carefully as Sorey finally submits, and assumes the usual psuedo-control he always has during armatization. The parallels between when he'd made up with Mikleo and armatized and now aren't lost on him, and he's sure that Lailah won't miss the pang of heartache and loss considering he's not trying to hide it from her.
The metal of the ship warms as they walk slowly down the hall together, just enough enough to chase away the chill and Sorey concentrates on this feeling of sharing and reassuring himself. With armatization comes a deeper understanding; Lailah's desire to protect him, her yearning for something that has been out of her grasp for so long, a confusing jumble of things he doesn't know or understand but refuses to pry out of her.
Still, he can't miss that nostalgia. It seems like it's impossible for him to armatize without seeking to comfort. It's a bad habit, one he should break himself of as soon as possible, but...]
You're from further along, aren't you? [He doesn't ask it expecting an answer; he's getting that feeling. Her sense of loss isn't the same sharp kind as her sorrow for Mikleo, her guilt for his Fall. It's different, aged, tempered but not quite. It feels like...] Rose?
[The heartache is sharp, but Lailah doesn't mind it. He needs to feel it and learn from it. She won't take that away from him. It's enough to share her own feelings of sorrow and loss, to give him camaraderie.
Yet, it doesn't alleviate the guilt she still feels, though it's been fading away the past two weeks.
Lailah's quiet for a moment at Sorey's question. She's suspected that there might be a time discrepancy between everyone in the group, but now he's confirmed it with his question.]
I am. From the time I'm at, Rose had lived a full life.
[Still, the fire seraph appreciates his attempt to comfort. They're friends, and she's mourning the loss of one of their own. It's only right.]
I see. [There are some implications that come with that, but Sorey's not going to ask about them. Moreover he's relieved; there was always a chance that the Shepherd's journey would end with at least some of them dead, but if Rose lived a long life then that means they must have succeeded at least in part. Or she left to pursue her own purposes, and lived until old age. Sorey really couldn't ask for anything more than that.] I'm so happy to hear it.
[More accustomed to loss, he'd said, and he feels the foolishness of his statement between them now. Lailah must have seen many of her human companions live and die this way, and others. Even if a human lives a long life, it still won't equal to more than a fraction of her own.] Lailah, you were with her at the end?
[Though she doesn't have a corporeal form at the moment, Lailah's smiling softly. The fire seraph is always glad when she can say that her human friends have lived a full life. The Shepherd's journey is never a guarantee, ending in an early death more often than not.]
Yes. She was comfortable, and she passed in her sleep. I was at her funeral before I arrived here.
[Needless to say, she's been on an emotional roller coaster and is glad for the peace to properly grieve. Though, despite that, Lailah still prioritizes the needs of her friends over her own. They need her strength more.]
[Lailah's smile is like a blanket draped around his shoulders and Sorey has to stop, close his eyes and press a hand against a wall as he soaks up its warmth. He'd gone months without this; he'd gone longer without this than he'd even known her. Even though he's still frightened, even though he's ashamed and terrified for her, more than these, more than anything, Sorey is so desperately grateful to have this again.
Armatizing with Lailah is knowing that no matter what happens, your soul is safe.]
I'm glad, [Sorey chokes out, and reaches up to rub at their eyes, embarrassed of his tears. The gratitude he'd been searching for for the past two weeks finally sparks, burns up from the inside at the news that Rose lived long and wonderfully, that she had Lailah with her at the end, that Lailah had as much time with their friend as she could have possibly managed. When he was last home those things were all so rare, so to hear Rose had them-] I'm so glad. Thank you, Lailah.
[Not just for Rose. Not just for reinstating the pact. Not just for saving everyone else, for saving him, for letting him go to Mikleo, for protecting him, for not giving up on him, for loving and trusting him when he can't love and trust himself-] Thank you so much...!
[When Sorey stops to lean against the wall, she sends more warmth and love and affection his way. While she's here and armatized with him, she'll shield his soul from any outside force that tries to harm it. She meets his fear and shame with love and acceptance. Sorey made a mistake, but that doesn't mean he can't learn from it nor that she'll love him any less.
The fire seraph envelops Sorey's soul with the warm fire found in a hearth at home. There's never a raging inferno for him. There's nothing he can do to make her want to do that to him. The hearth and home are for her Shepherds always and forever.]
Thank you, Sorey. I'm very proud of you.
[For so many reasons, even after all that's transpired here. That feeling of pride won't change, and, in time, she hopes that Sorey can feel proud of his accomplishments, too.]
[Time is definitely the biggest factor here. Even the idea of feeling anything akin to pride again is nearly insurmountable, but Sorey doesn't have to think about that now. He decided all on his own to take on the Shepherd's pact once again, despite what had happened and what he'd done, and he has a responsibility to see that through. And it's not a bad thing, either.
Though, there is something he'd like to touch upon while they're together like this, merged in a way that makes it easier to feel the intent behind her words. Lailah was never unclear, none of his friends ever were, but sometimes just that little big of closeness can make all the difference.]
Lailah...what did you mean by teaching me to manage my personal malevolence? [He thought there was like, a general ban on anything like that at all. The second he starts generating malevolence, it's all over, right?]
[Lailah doesn't mind that. It makes it a little easier for him to understand what she's trying to say. Their hearts are mostly laid bare to each other while armatized, after all. And this is an answer that needs to be understood.]
It would be unreasonable to hold you to a standard of maintaining perfect purity for years at a time. You'll feel anger, despair, hatred, and other emotions that can feed into malevolence if left unaddressed. By finding ways to deal with persistent emotions, you're less likely to be tainted.
[Hm, an analogy may be necessary to better explain herself.]
It's like maintaining a garden. By dealing with the weeds as they crop up, you can keep your garden from being overrun or choked by them. My intent was to let you find out your own ways of coping, but there are just some weeds that can't be pulled out by your bare hands. Sometimes you need to use a shovel to help dig it out by the root.
[The fire seraph falls silent afterwards. Sorey may get a sense of failure from her. She hasn't been able to teach him how to do that, mostly because it hasn't come up before. When she speaks up again, her voice is gentle and kind:]
Even a seraph isn't immune to such feelings, as you can no doubt tell.
[Sorey lets that stew for a bit as Lailah continues. Weeds in a garden are inevitable; there isn't a single plot of treated land out there that won't get weeds. So he shouldn't concentrate so much on preventing weeds as he should controlling them? And learning to tell them apart from the good crop, if he wants to push the analogy further.
Lailah's feelings of inadequacy drift over, unfettered but not overwhelming, and Sorey has to stop himself from the kneejerk reaction of offering reassurance.
not your fault me it was me don't punish yourself too much going on i should have asked
Some of it might reach her anyway, but at least Sorey recognizes that denying her her own sense of responsibility isn't something he should do. Instead he mulls it over, allows her wisdom and her own disappointment in herself to drive home the lesson she's trying to give him now. That would be the best way to reassure her.]
So I- I can't concentrate on abolishing those feelings entirely. I need to concentrate on rooting them out as they begin to take hold. -and asking for help when it happens.
[Lailah senses it, but she does nothing. She doesn't burn it with her flames. Neither will she tell Sorey to deny those feelings. Lailah simply lets him feel it and some of what she herself is feeling. Sorey's resolve in the end is what makes her smile.]
Exactly. Your purity is important to us, yes, but that doesn't mean you should deny the emotions you feel. They're part of you and it's okay to feel them.
[Now she sends her reassurance. No matter what, Lailah will be there if Sorey ever needs to talk.]
[Right, because he's human. Lailah made that consistently clear; no matter what he's a human being, and no matter their intentions, the hearts of human beings are capable of producing malevolence.]
So with the Cardinal and Heldalf, does that mean they denied themselves those emotions too? They were just...overwhelmed?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
voice;
...I've decided.
voice;
Of course, Sorey. I'm currently in my room, and my door is always unlocked for you. Just let yourself in when you get here.
[Lailah will be on her bed, finishing up a paper lotus flower she's been making. Two more of them are sitting next to her.]
action
When she's finished he speaks up.] A friend told me about a new sweet I think you might like. It's called mochi.
action
Oh, really? I've never heard of that one before. I'd be interested in trying it, and maybe getting a recipe, too.
[She's genuinely excited by the idea of trying out this 'mochi.' However, they both know that's not what Sorey's here for. For now, though, she's content to make small talk until he's ready...or needs a gentle nudge.]
action
[He bounces gently against the door before pushing off and coming over to where she's sitting on her bed.] I was wondering if I could- this might be a little silly since we're friends, [and instead of sitting beside her he kneels in front of her, properly] but could I say something first?
action
[She hasn't met anyone she hasn't liked yet here.
Lailah tilts her head slightly, blinking when he kneels before her like that. However, she nods.]
Of course you may, Sorey.
action
...you told me when we first met the burdens of being the Shepherd. And you kept reminding me afterwards, too; you never let me forget, and you never let me forget myself.
When I came here, and I was without you for...a long time, [longer than he'd known her, even] and I forgot everything you said to me. Maybe it was inevitable, but I feel like I should have paid your wisdom the respect it was due, instead of relying on you to constantly retell it to me.
I mean, I know that's why a Shepherd has a Prime Lord, but as a person- as a human being, I think I should expect at least that much of myself. So...that's something I'd like to change.
action
Then it's a change we can work on together. However, while I'm here, I have no intention of letting you lose sight of what's important. It's extremely difficult to handle alone, especially for someone with a kind heart like yours, but I'm sure that you're well aware of that by now.
[Her tone is kind and gentle as she says that last part. Lailah then holds out the finished flower to Sorey with a cheerful expression.]
Just as I make sure you don't lose yourself, you do the same for me, too. It's not as overt, but it's being part of the lives of people like you that make my job worth everything.
action
Playing at being strong isn't strength. Playing at being strong is what led him to his Fall...what led to Mikleo's death. It had come from a place of wanting to protect, wanting to save, but as pure as his motivations had been they'd been twisted by his methods. Like Cardinal Forton...like Heldalf.
He's not above them. He's no different from either of them; he was just fortunate enough to be surrounded by people who love and support him. He was fortunate enough to have Allen here, with his own powers of purification, more powerful than Sorey's self-loathing and terror.
He...had Mikleo.
Sorey turns the lotus gently in his hands before nodding firmly.]
Okay. Then...please, Lailah. I would be honored if you would once again take me on as your Shepherd. And... [He looks up at her, exhausted, expression open and vulnerable but finally, after almost two weeks of despondency, there is buried deep beneath his grief a spark of hope for the future.] I'll do everything I can to be worthy of the trust you've shown me.
action
Before I go find Dezel, I'd like for you to do one thing for me.
[What she asks is going to be very hard for him, but it's also necessary.]
I trust you, Sorey, but you also need to learn to trust yourself again, too. As such, I'd like for you to call on my true name.
[Lailah has no doubt that there'll come a time when Sorey needs to armatize. In that case, he can't afford to hesitate calling on any of them. He must be able to rely on or trust at least one of them, and Lailah will be glad to take that job until he's ready for the others.]
action
His memory is foggy, but he remembers. He remembers Mikleo forcing armatization to save the others, he remembers it burning and twisting before they'd split apart.
He remembers reaching for Zaveid, he remembers the look on his face as he uttered the first word of his True Name. He'd been hungry when he'd done it; starving, desperate for company, for anything to fill that crumbling void inside of him, but looking back on it now just fills him with panic and dread. Nevermind Zaveid, just thinking about saying Lailah's name and perverting her with his weakness is terrifying.]
action
If you can't trust yourself, then at least trust me. You won't corrupt me.
[She's as sure of that as she is her own name.]
It's okay to feel fear, but we need to work on making sure it doesn't control your life, especially when it concerns armatization.
action
He doesn't think he'll stop hearing the echoes of her screams in his head, though. The way she'd sounded when he'd ripped her fire away from her, the way he wanted to pull her into himself and devour her whole. But that's not going to go away. Those memories aren't going to simply vanish.
It doesn't stop his fingers from quaking as he traces the paper petals of the flower in his hand, searching for his courage and coming up empty. And he can feel it now; the Shepherd's pact has made its way back home like a brand on his soul and he can see the wisps of malevolence around them. The Fleet really is painted with it.]
...I trust you. I trust you. [He does. He trusts Lailah with every stitch of his being. Lailah, unwavering in her support, a pillar upon which Sorey's sure the world itself could balance, it's so strong. Mikleo's absence is still a terrible wound, raw and still bleeding, but Sorey knows that at the very least, with Lailah, his feelings are safe.]
Fethmus Mioma, [Sorey whispers, closing his eyes as the rush of warmth and power tingles all the way down to his fingers, his toes. Where they would share the power and occupy the same body, Sorey falls back and gives every last bit of control to Lailah. Just- just for a moment. Just to reassure himself, to show that he can. That he won't try to take her over. It's as much a reassurance for her as it is for him; no, it's more for him than anything. He can't simply trust himself wholly yet, not when there's so much yet to prove.]
action
The fire seraph has been in Atlas's shoes before, and will likely continue to hold up the sky for others. Its weight has fractured her at times, but she's learned from those fractures just how much she can handle on her own and how much she can safely share with others in her pact. For Sorey, Lailah knows that she needs to put some of his burden back onto her until he's ready to reclaim it.
She answers his call immediately, no hesitation whatsoever. The seraph merges with his body, but she feels him handing total control over to her. Only for one second does she allow it before stepping back so that they're equal in control. No matter what, this power isn't meant for complete control from one party. Not to Lailah, at least.]
Now, then. Let's take a stroll, shall we?
[It's been a human lifetime since Lailah has armatized with Sorey. She needs to get used to the feeling a little bit. More than that, he needs some more time with it to have a reassurance that it's okay. That he's okay.]
action
The metal of the ship warms as they walk slowly down the hall together, just enough enough to chase away the chill and Sorey concentrates on this feeling of sharing and reassuring himself. With armatization comes a deeper understanding; Lailah's desire to protect him, her yearning for something that has been out of her grasp for so long, a confusing jumble of things he doesn't know or understand but refuses to pry out of her.
Still, he can't miss that nostalgia. It seems like it's impossible for him to armatize without seeking to comfort. It's a bad habit, one he should break himself of as soon as possible, but...]
You're from further along, aren't you? [He doesn't ask it expecting an answer; he's getting that feeling. Her sense of loss isn't the same sharp kind as her sorrow for Mikleo, her guilt for his Fall. It's different, aged, tempered but not quite. It feels like...] Rose?
action
Yet, it doesn't alleviate the guilt she still feels, though it's been fading away the past two weeks.
Lailah's quiet for a moment at Sorey's question. She's suspected that there might be a time discrepancy between everyone in the group, but now he's confirmed it with his question.]
I am. From the time I'm at, Rose had lived a full life.
[Still, the fire seraph appreciates his attempt to comfort. They're friends, and she's mourning the loss of one of their own. It's only right.]
action
[More accustomed to loss, he'd said, and he feels the foolishness of his statement between them now. Lailah must have seen many of her human companions live and die this way, and others. Even if a human lives a long life, it still won't equal to more than a fraction of her own.] Lailah, you were with her at the end?
action
Yes. She was comfortable, and she passed in her sleep. I was at her funeral before I arrived here.
[Needless to say, she's been on an emotional roller coaster and is glad for the peace to properly grieve. Though, despite that, Lailah still prioritizes the needs of her friends over her own. They need her strength more.]
action
Armatizing with Lailah is knowing that no matter what happens, your soul is safe.]
I'm glad, [Sorey chokes out, and reaches up to rub at their eyes, embarrassed of his tears. The gratitude he'd been searching for for the past two weeks finally sparks, burns up from the inside at the news that Rose lived long and wonderfully, that she had Lailah with her at the end, that Lailah had as much time with their friend as she could have possibly managed. When he was last home those things were all so rare, so to hear Rose had them-] I'm so glad. Thank you, Lailah.
[Not just for Rose. Not just for reinstating the pact. Not just for saving everyone else, for saving him, for letting him go to Mikleo, for protecting him, for not giving up on him, for loving and trusting him when he can't love and trust himself-] Thank you so much...!
action
The fire seraph envelops Sorey's soul with the warm fire found in a hearth at home. There's never a raging inferno for him. There's nothing he can do to make her want to do that to him. The hearth and home are for her Shepherds always and forever.]
Thank you, Sorey. I'm very proud of you.
[For so many reasons, even after all that's transpired here. That feeling of pride won't change, and, in time, she hopes that Sorey can feel proud of his accomplishments, too.]
action
Though, there is something he'd like to touch upon while they're together like this, merged in a way that makes it easier to feel the intent behind her words. Lailah was never unclear, none of his friends ever were, but sometimes just that little big of closeness can make all the difference.]
Lailah...what did you mean by teaching me to manage my personal malevolence? [He thought there was like, a general ban on anything like that at all. The second he starts generating malevolence, it's all over, right?]
action
It would be unreasonable to hold you to a standard of maintaining perfect purity for years at a time. You'll feel anger, despair, hatred, and other emotions that can feed into malevolence if left unaddressed. By finding ways to deal with persistent emotions, you're less likely to be tainted.
[Hm, an analogy may be necessary to better explain herself.]
It's like maintaining a garden. By dealing with the weeds as they crop up, you can keep your garden from being overrun or choked by them. My intent was to let you find out your own ways of coping, but there are just some weeds that can't be pulled out by your bare hands. Sometimes you need to use a shovel to help dig it out by the root.
[The fire seraph falls silent afterwards. Sorey may get a sense of failure from her. She hasn't been able to teach him how to do that, mostly because it hasn't come up before. When she speaks up again, her voice is gentle and kind:]
Even a seraph isn't immune to such feelings, as you can no doubt tell.
action
[Sorey lets that stew for a bit as Lailah continues. Weeds in a garden are inevitable; there isn't a single plot of treated land out there that won't get weeds. So he shouldn't concentrate so much on preventing weeds as he should controlling them? And learning to tell them apart from the good crop, if he wants to push the analogy further.
Lailah's feelings of inadequacy drift over, unfettered but not overwhelming, and Sorey has to stop himself from the kneejerk reaction of offering reassurance.
not your fault
me it was me
don't punish yourself
too much going on
i should have asked
Some of it might reach her anyway, but at least Sorey recognizes that denying her her own sense of responsibility isn't something he should do. Instead he mulls it over, allows her wisdom and her own disappointment in herself to drive home the lesson she's trying to give him now. That would be the best way to reassure her.]
So I- I can't concentrate on abolishing those feelings entirely. I need to concentrate on rooting them out as they begin to take hold. -and asking for help when it happens.
action
Exactly. Your purity is important to us, yes, but that doesn't mean you should deny the emotions you feel. They're part of you and it's okay to feel them.
[Now she sends her reassurance. No matter what, Lailah will be there if Sorey ever needs to talk.]
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So with the Cardinal and Heldalf, does that mean they denied themselves those emotions too? They were just...overwhelmed?
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